When Tony and I moved to Charlotte, we decided the best thing for Isaac and our family, was for me to quit work and stay home. After I got pregnant with Noah I knew I wanted to be home with him for the first year of his life. Neither of us ever really knew how long I would be home with the boys. We both felt like when and if it was ever time for me to return to work, we would know.
There have been a few moments over the last few years of staying at home we (or I) thought it was time for me to go back to work, but when I would start to look it just didn’t feel “right” yet. A few months ago, I started to feel that feeling again. It was time to start my search again. And this time it was different. It felt like the right time.
But then the guilt started to set in and I started to wonder if returning to work was selfish.
One of the biggest hurdles for me was the fact that I don’t have to go back to work, financially. We could certainly benefit from extra income, but we aren’t in dire straights. The fact is, I WANT some time to myself, away from my kids, doing something just for me, which I am good at and can be proud of. At first I thought my desires were selfish, but then I had to remind myself one of the main things I’ve learned over the last year recovering from PPA/PPD: Taking care of myself and my needs allows me to be a better mother, wife, friend, etc. I also had to realize that what is best for me, my kids, and my family may not be best for others and vice versa.
All that being said, I do know going back to work will be a difficult transition for me and for all of us. Being away from the kids for 10 hours a day is going to be a huge shift. It honestly makes me want to cry buckets of tears just thinking about it. These little guys (okay, Isaac) drive me to the brink of insanity and back again, but they are mine and I love them with my whole heart and being home with them has truly been a blessing for all of us. Being away from them all day is going to be very hard for me. But, I have had to remind myself that just because a transition is difficult and emotional doesn’t make it “bad” or “wrong”.
I am grateful to have had several amazing job options come up over the last month. This week I made my final decision. After lots of prayer and conversations with my people, I have decided to take a position that when I tell you what it is, seems can only come from God.
I will be working at a CANDY WAREHOUSE! Yep, you heard that right….CANDY! When I was praying for God to lead me in the right direction with this job search, I may have thrown in a few jokes like, “Hey, and while you’re up there in Heaven working on my perfect job, why don’t You make sure it’s at a place where I am surrounded by candy!” God answers even sarcastic prayers, ya’ll! I will tell you more about the job as time goes on, but for now all you have to know is my job involves candy and that is really freaking amazing.
I wanted to share this exciting news with you all because I want any parent out there to know there is no one “right” or “best” way to parent your kids. Being a parent who works because you want to IS NOT wrong or selfish. I am taking a leap of faith in a direction I feel is best for all of us. If it doesn’t work out, so be it, but I will always be proud of myself for trying.
Please keep us in your prayers as we all prepare for this big transition in a few weeks.